March 5, 2021

A rough one today!  This was a different chemo than Tuesday and he sure felt it.  As soon as we got to the hospital, Marlon started to feel unwell.  Not uncommon.  I said it is probably psychological and he agreed but said he still felt bad.  Fair enough.

He was accessed and they started with Benadryl, some other drug, and then the chemo.  Marlon plugs into videos and it can be hard for me to tell where he is at when he zones out like that. When the chemo was done and it was time to be de-accessed, he was in tears.  He felt horrible, like his body was being taken apart.  He didn't want to feel this way.  Lots of tears.  I hugged and held him, the nurse rubbed his back.  She left us for a while, came back, and de-accessed him.  He continued to cry.  We stayed there together for an extra half hour until he was calm and well enough to walk to the car.  I sometimes forget that this feels so bad for him. I have never been gutted like he feels he is being.

Let the cravings begin!  With this new phase of treatment, he is taking steroid pills at home.  They alter his mood and give him food cravings.  It was the beginning of treatment that he was last taking steroids (a different one), and I remember the craziness and the food obsession.  When we got home today he wanted a sandwich.  He has not wanted to eat any bread since the last time he was taking steroids.  He has still consumed flour in other forms, cookies and muffins and pizza and the list goes on. To my surprise, he did enjoy the sandwich.

I took Stella for a walk this afternoon. Marlon was not up for it so I brought her by to say hi.  She still resists leaving her house with me but once away she walks along well.  Once we are heading back to her house she pulls all the way.  A wonderful dog.  Makes me want one all the more.

By the end of the day, Marlon was nauseous and exhausted but he had had a good minecraft session with friends and he was happy about that.

Marlon drew this yesterday but it seems fitting for today


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