Lovingheart

I am living my life in a way of getting it done. Working on healing all that needs to be healed so I don’t have to come and do it over again. Working on getting it all done. Passing the time with the end in sight. Working for the end but the end I am working towards is death. When I have a stretch of time in front of me (such as a time of vision quest or being ‘out there’ with nothing to do) then I am counting the time until it is over. Passing the time. And each minute passes ultra-slow and each day seems an eternity. Living the day until it is time to sleep. Living life until it is time to die. Where is the enjoyment in that? Where is my enjoyment in life? Where am I? Sitting motionless sitting calm on the outside looking for change. Looking and waiting for signs. Signs of what? Signs of forward movement – signs that I am that much closer to my goal. And what goal is that? The goal of death perhaps? How about that? Thinking of death as a goal t

When I look at my life I see so many areas for which I am grateful. If I think about manifesting and those things that are important to me I can just look at people I know and talk with that have wonderful qualities and great gifts to offer and I have inspirations for my journey. At this point one thing that is important to me that I do struggle with is relationships. With all that I meet and know but most importantly with my children. Who my children become and how they feel about themselves and others are important factors to me. I can look at ‘grown kids’ and their parents and see positive relationships and healthy, functional, and secure individuals. I can do my best to create a positive relationship with my family of origin to set a positive example. I have many times I feel down but I have so much to be grateful for. My life has much abundance and yet there are times when I get caught up in the ‘small stuff’ and ya know I think that just comes with the territory of being hu