March 25, 2021

Confession time.  I believe Marlon ended up in the hospital this time, in part, because I cut corners.  And I feel so guilty. So many parts of it bother me.  It has happened before with Marlon's treatment, that I didn't follow the guidelines properly, and he suffers needlessly.  I add to his suffering.  What also gets me, is the energy around it.  It is one I know too well and it gets me in trouble.  I have seen it come out at work and doesn't often end well. Gosh darn, why do I have to be a fallible human that can cause suffering to another because of my own pigheadedness!  Of course, the blame that comes with this and the kicks I give myself serve to make it worse.

I was supposed to give him a pill to help with the side effects from another pill.  And I didn't.  I feel guilty and admitting it is hard.  Pigheaded.  Cutting corners. Not following rules.  Why don't I learn!?!

That is my rant, the guilt that has kept me on the edge of tears the past few days.

Onwards and upwards!  Here's to remembering humility and learning from mistakes!!

On the positive side, we are home and Marlon is slowly improving.  Getting out of the hospital is good for him.  It is nice once he is de-accessed and isn't stuck to a pole.  What was nice about that pole is it had tubes that ran into his port and kept him hydrated. I didn't feel I had to constantly remind and nag him to drink.

Marlon slept a bit better last night and I am hoping he has a full night's sleep in his bed tonight.  

Have I said before how amazing Louise, our driver, is?! When we found out the other day we weren't going to come home, Louise did a second return trip to bring us some supplies that Linsy packed up.  On the way home today, Louise drove us into Guelph so I could pick up a few things. Marlon did not want me to leave him.  We are so lucky.  Remember humility.

Beautiful crocuses in bloom in March


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