March 11, 2021
To clarify the past week. The steroids, Marlon was taking pills for a week, starting a week ago Tuesday in the evening. It is the chemo that is making him feel so bad. He had chemo a week ago Tuesday, last Friday (a rough one), and again this Tuesday (even rougher).
Today was a little better. He was more talkative and animated. A little more restless than the last couple of days that passed him by in a haze. Not feeling great. He didn't eat much. He requested pizza for supper but you know it's bad if he can't even eat one piece of pizza.
My sister suggested I talk to Marlon about what there is to live for. My first response was that I am not a good person to answer that question as I still haven't figured it out. We live because we live and we will fight to stay alive. We enjoy the beauty and the happy moments and hopefully, we learn and grow. It is the challenges that can be the biggest teachers. Our lives are individual, interconnected journeys. And somehow motivation must fit into this. It is something I have been thinking a lot about lately. Wondering what motivates me. Seeing a lack of motivation in myself and my younger two kids.
I don't know if I am saying nothing or getting too deep but the words have stopped and so have the thoughts…