Relating to Male vs Female
I have noticed that the cats play out some of our issues here as well (no surprise I guess right?).
It appears that for Thomas those that are the most confrontational or oppositional for him are females. And it is no surprise that Star, the female cat, is the one that he sees doing things she shouldn’t be doing.
Thomas has also pointed out to me that I have more issues with males and tend to be more critical of them (I don’t see it but I’m sure it could be right). And again it follows that Mojo, the male cat, is the one that I catch doing all sorts of things he shouldn’t be.
Just to go away from this theory I just watched something with the two cats. I had Mojo in my hands and Star was looking for something (attention maybe). Thomas was upstairs so she tried to jump the gate to go upstairs (now she doesn’t even go up when the gate is down so I was surprised about this. The gate is not attached and crashed to the floor with a loud noise. She went running away and hid. Minutes later Mojo was out of my arms, saw the open gate and went running upstairs. Thomas does not like the cats upstairs and he came charging down the stairs chasing Mojo. So Thomas caught Mojo when it was Star that instigated the experience (and I was just writing that it would be the other way round).
A different shift with this is our relationship with the kids. We both love both kids a great deal however Thomas has a harder time with many things in PM while I tend to be more triggered and more apt to lose my temper with LB. All of this goes to show that nothing is static and you can’t make generalizations. So why do I bother trying? Because I like to notice similarities and feel like I understand even if I know I don’t.