Home again

To come back to that place where I am here. I am always here but that ‘here’ may be a different place. So now ‘here’ is back home again. A shift – just as going away is a change in the first place. A different pace to go with the new and old scenery.

Our time away was pleasant. We got some social contact which I feel is sadly lacking in my day to day life. My life is busy and there is always something going on but I often feel isolated. One could say that it is the place we live that is isolated but for myself I know it is not a matter of where I live but of the life I have created for myself. I have also chosen a partner that shares and supports the tendency to create isolation.

We had time with just the three of us – PM, LB and I. We wandered around, we hung out at the park, and we went for many walks together. My sister’s dog is older and a great walking dog for kids. PM was always holding the leash while we were out. At first Bessie was more snappy with the kids and less likely to listen to them or take them seriously (it had to be myself or my sister Pamela to convince the dog that we were going out for a walk). Her tolerance for the kids expanded greatly and she got quite used to running ahead with PM instead of waiting for me to walk with her. She likes us even though we bring some exasperating energy into her life. If the kids really pissed her off she would let them know with snaps or little growls. If they persisted she persisted as well but was never hurtful to them. Nice to see the kids connecting with the dogs on our trip as well (my 3 sisters all have dogs – all very different of course).

There were also times where I wasn’t needed as a mother. A big change for me. Time to just hang out if I so pleased with no pressing demands. The kids would hang out upstairs in Pamela’s office for a while if it was ok with her. They were content to watch the fire station across the street. They went to the park a couple of times without me. At the cottage they had more folks to play with. They still liked to have me there and wanted to be close but were wandering further away at the same time.

My birthday was celebrated again. They (family) acknowledged they had the birthday cake for themselves (I don’t eat cakes) but then they created a cake just for me. They set up a series of clues which I followed around (with the help of PM – he really liked that) and it ended up on the deck with a big cake with ‘Happy 40th Birthday Shera’ written on it with 40 candles made out of a foam type material stuck onto the paper. Inside the big cake was PM who broke through the paper to ‘jump’ out at me – my children, my treasures. LB was not comfortable to be in the cake but she was a part of it as well. I feel (felt) very blessed and lucky.

Lessons along the way are a given and talks both deep and involved and more casual bring ideas and instigate more thoughts and shifts. Events that transpired showed me some aspects of myself and how others are affected when I try to push to have things go ‘my way’ or the way I think they should.

So we are home again with lots to do and a change of pace from being away. The kids are excited to see their dad and to be home and to get back into their life here again. Like many of us – it works for us to get away and it’s nice to come back home again. For Thomas it works to have some time with peace and quiet to himself and it works to have his family back home again as well.

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