To be liked for who I am - who am I
Today I was remembering a time at the cottage with some friends. One male friend really liked me and we were good friends. I was remembering the comfort of just hanging out and how it felt to be cared for and appreciated no matter how crazy I may act. How I believe it may feel to be liked no matter what – to be liked for who you are.
Then I went to the thought that how many people really know others. This person liked me but I believe a lot of what he liked came from how his past has shaped his life – how he perceived me is not necessarily who I am. Heck I don’t know myself so how is another supposed to like me for who I am.
I guess this is the task put before me (and many of us here on Earth) – to discover who I am, what makes me tick and then to like myself regardless. Ya know that’s not an easy task.
I see a controlling self on the outside – this is not who I am but this is a behaviour. This is not easy to like. It is not easy to live with but I believe I need compassion for who I am and how I am. There are times I see myself in one way and really wish I were another – even if the way I am really isn’t that bad.
The other part of this I see is the connection with others. Sometimes I feel as if I am just an observer of life. An observer of objects and these objects are actually people with minds and feelings. An outsider that feels unable to connect in a meaningful way. The sad part of this is seeing it with my children. These beings that have grown with me from a mere egg inside of me and I see my way to connect is lacking some great truth to it. They are objects to observe, to love, to care for, to feed, and to hang out with – but do I really connect with them? I don’t really know. It sure feels lonely sometimes though!