Parenting - Quick fix vs. long term results
I swear emotions are flipping all over the place. Not sure exactly what my excuse is – hormones, diet, being a mom?? Heck at least I’m not eating sugar to blame that. I suppose for LB she has the excuse of being a two-year old. Cute as heck, saying the most outrageous things and then flipping out because of some seemingly small incident.
I learned long ago not to try to force my will on LB. It just doesn’t work. There have been a few times where I haven’t had the patience to try to find the magic answer and have barged ahead to make her do as I want. She will scream and tantrum long beyond my level of staying with it. I just want to undo what it is I have done to bring on this tantrum. So I have learned that having the patience in the moment to find a workable solution actually saves much time and energy as dealing with the tantrums uses up many resources.
When in the throes of a tantrum I just want to say ‘Alright, you win, let’s do it your way!’. Sometimes I will take that approach but then I wonder about consistency and sticking with my original decision. At least this makes me think ahead with more of a long-term mindset – probably good for me.
Then of course there are her many cries as she tries to get her way with her brother. She has learned that she can come telling me all about what he has done. I try to take a balanced view rather than taking sides but I know there are times where I blame him or tell him to do otherwise. Not fair to both of them. Just today as we were walking out of the post office with the kids running behind me LB takes a wipe out on the floor. I know she hit my boot – did she trip over it? Did she just trip and stumble? Did PM knock her over? I don’t know and really it doesn’t matter but I still ask ‘Did you knock her over?’. That’s not fair to him. I regretted asking that. As another mom mentioned today – it’s not the story that is so important it is how they are doing now.
If I fall into blaming PM or taking sides then I support more struggles between them. Whenever possible then I try to stay out of it or add suggestions that can make something work for both of them. Other times I may feel completely overwhelmed by dealing with the fallout of their disagreements and yell to get results. Not productive.
So I can see ways to make things work and that there are solutions. Other times I just fall back on wanting to get answers or wanting to just barge ahead for quick fixes. Just another part of the roller coaster. Sometimes I am up for the task of being a present parent and other times I am not.
I learned long ago not to try to force my will on LB. It just doesn’t work. There have been a few times where I haven’t had the patience to try to find the magic answer and have barged ahead to make her do as I want. She will scream and tantrum long beyond my level of staying with it. I just want to undo what it is I have done to bring on this tantrum. So I have learned that having the patience in the moment to find a workable solution actually saves much time and energy as dealing with the tantrums uses up many resources.
When in the throes of a tantrum I just want to say ‘Alright, you win, let’s do it your way!’. Sometimes I will take that approach but then I wonder about consistency and sticking with my original decision. At least this makes me think ahead with more of a long-term mindset – probably good for me.
Then of course there are her many cries as she tries to get her way with her brother. She has learned that she can come telling me all about what he has done. I try to take a balanced view rather than taking sides but I know there are times where I blame him or tell him to do otherwise. Not fair to both of them. Just today as we were walking out of the post office with the kids running behind me LB takes a wipe out on the floor. I know she hit my boot – did she trip over it? Did she just trip and stumble? Did PM knock her over? I don’t know and really it doesn’t matter but I still ask ‘Did you knock her over?’. That’s not fair to him. I regretted asking that. As another mom mentioned today – it’s not the story that is so important it is how they are doing now.
If I fall into blaming PM or taking sides then I support more struggles between them. Whenever possible then I try to stay out of it or add suggestions that can make something work for both of them. Other times I may feel completely overwhelmed by dealing with the fallout of their disagreements and yell to get results. Not productive.
So I can see ways to make things work and that there are solutions. Other times I just fall back on wanting to get answers or wanting to just barge ahead for quick fixes. Just another part of the roller coaster. Sometimes I am up for the task of being a present parent and other times I am not.
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