Country vs. City living and social outcomes

I have lived in the city for most of my life. I even felt ok living in Toronto for many years but then I felt the desire to get out more. With kids the desire to move was even stronger. Not wanting the children to be raised in the city.

But living in the city definitely has its advantages. Today we drove the hour to the city to participate in a homeschool organized trip. A play. There were many children there and there were a lot of friends that seemed to get together on a more regular basis. In general there are more activities. One may be less likely to need to drive to visit with others.

Our situation is great in that we live out of the city on a property with a lot of land. There are woods, open fields, running water, still water, cedar houses, hills and flat land. At the same time if we want to get together with a friend the drive is longer (though it may not take longer to get there as there is less traffic and less street lights). You think twice about going for a half hour drive to go hang out with someone. Community or tribe isn’t as convenient. Then again I’m sure one could argue that in a city like Toronto it can easily take 20 – 30 minutes to get anywhere.

I suppose it is a matter of getting out on a regular basis. Then again I can get comfortable with a quiet life where we just hang out here and don’t get together much with others. Are my kids missing out on social events? It is sad to see PM taking after me in the social department. He will watch others intently but is not able to join in. His way of attempting to be noticed is to make aggressive noises. If he feels left out he may become more aggressive or distant. All my own issues come to the forefront if I see friends of his connecting well and playing together while he is left out. Something I know well and have experienced many times.

I watch the kids from the groups and how they socialize together. You can see the ones that are more popular and are the ones that can just hang out and connect with others. Then there are those that hold back from any kind of contact. I guess I really hoped that my children wouldn’t suffer as much in the social area as I have and do but I have not set them the best example and haven’t completed enough healing in that area for it to be a non-issue.

So we don’t live in the city (yay!!) and I can use that as an excuse for not having deeper connections with people or for not having more tribe or community. Realistically it is just an excuse. What it boils down to is me – the efforts I am willing to make and to what extent I am willing to put myself out.


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