Control and forgiveness
There are many times that my life feels out of control. Perhaps it’s not my life that’s out of control but my reactions that are. Yikes control is such a big issue – so convoluted, insidious and all empowering – na, it’s disempowering. Feeling of power and the loss thereof when the control turns on itself and creates suffering in all.
Speaking of power the lights just flickered. Is it the above line that is speaking some deep truth that needs to be explored? Really I can acknowledge the suffering in control. I can understand reasons why it is so big in my life. The funny thing is that it’s the feeling of powerlessness that is a big factor of the need for control. And of course control only brings about less power to all involved. Another element that feeds on itself. Like an eating disorder? Feeding on oneself and maintaining an element of control except it is the self that is controlled. Another plan that backfires. ‘Ha I will hurt you, I will make you suffer the way you have made me suffer. Wait I am suffering more than even now! What have I done? What have you done to me?’ And the circle continues until complete forgiveness is achieved.
Forgiveness to the self for being in this situation. Forgiveness for not sticking up for myself and allowing this to happen. Forgiveness to all that did some form of controlling even if it was in the name of love. Even though the anger isn’t acknowledged, the feeling is still there and can pop out unannounced with full force. Forgive the anger. Forgiveness to the current self for the games it plays. Forgiveness of the controlling self. Forgiveness of control in general.
What does it mean to forgive? To see the situation for what it is and to take the charge out of it. I see what is happening. I see what has happened. I deserve to be supported now. I deserve to be empowered. You deserve to be empowered. I have much to be grateful for. I have life. You have life. I bestow blessings on you and on all those past and present that have entered my life. I am blessed.
What forgiveness brings is appreciation. Gratitude. No matter how bad things are there is much to be appreciated. There are so many wonderful, caring, loving people around. Sure we all have dysfunctions but we do our best with what we have at this time.
A change in attitude brings freedom and freedom is what my life is all about. So bring it on. The freedom. The change. The love. The forgiveness. The gratitude. The appreciation for all that is. Life.
ps I sat down with the intention of writing about Family Yoga. The kids in the yoga class that we frequent together. The place we went today. The way we all benefit. However life took over and writing of another importance came out. Even the best plans may go astray...