Is Today Tomorrow?

This is a phrase that Paco would often use. It took me a while to understand what it meant (I guess I'm the dense one here). In his attempt to figure out this world and what any given day was, tomorrow was just another day of the week. Tomorrow is what we were planning for yesterday. My response to him was “ Today is the tomorrow of yesterday.” (or something like that.) Linsy's version of this is “When is tomorrow?”

I was thinking of this today as I was listening to the kids playing/living (heck their life is a game). Paco woke up from his sleep and said “It's tomorrow!”.

A lot of the kids' play/life right now is centered around work. Their phone is ringing off the hook with calls for them to work. They have many jobs and are working so much that they are very busy (well in theory anyway). Their calendar is always having something else added to the days. Often they use symbols to express the given job but Paco is also appreciating writing and often asks how to spell words.

This is just another example of how their play is processing of their life. Things are different for them now as I am working many hours out of the house. Wake in the morning and eat and prepare food for the day then work and come home in the evening, put the kids to bed, eat and again prepare food for the following day. It's all about work.

Their assorted jobs are school crossing guard, working at the restaurant, the post office and various stores. Their current job is mopping and then clearing the table in the kitchen (yes for real they decided to work for me). Of course our real combined job is delivering papers.

Our lives are always changing and some phases run smoother than others.

Left and Right

Interestingly enough I am dealing with carpal tunnel in my left hand. I am not sure why it is here but it sure is making me pay attention to how I use my hands. Is there any area where I predominantly use my left hand more than my right? The big one is using a knife to cut food in the kitchen. There are other things like brushing my teeth and cleaning the toilets but of course that isn't too much. I have been doing a lot of shoveling and though one side is definitely easier to use than the other, I do try to balance out how much I use each side.

One thing I really notice is how my body works together. Each side has its specialty. One hand holds the blender the other one handles the spatula. One hand holds the dishes the other one holds the cloth. Ya know simple things that you just don't normally pay attention to.

A newfound appreciation for all the things my body does without even paying attention. And I suppose that attention to those things that are often done on automatic pilot is also a good thing.

A good night is one where I can get some sleep and the pain of the hand/arm isn't keeping me awake and having me try many different positions. Something else to pay attention to...

Work blocks and the Now

I have experienced many instances of late about blockages and things not moving smoothly. A lot of these relate to work or finding work that pays well. And I can see that I hold onto resistance to work. Do what works. What works best in my life is hanging out with the kids and our activities.

There are times when we are doing whatever and I feel so grateful to be with them and having the opportunity to do what we do. Simple things like hanging outside and shoveling the snow in the middle of the day. Hanging outside and doing our own thing. Off on a little excursion of some sort. Many times I will feel such gratitude to be able to do these things.

But the need to be bringing in more money is current in our life. And the possibility of full time work looms ahead. How – just how – would I deal with that? In a life where I often feel a lack of freedom just what would that do to me? What would that do to life as I know it? What would that do to just hanging out with the kids? What would that do to our activities and excursions? What would that do to my life? It sure would change.

So there have been blocks that have appeared in my path of finding work and no wonder about that.

Now there is a job here for me that pays very little and the hours are looming ahead. And the internal distress is great. And the me that wants to organize these activities with the kids and sign up for the excursions is unable to plan. The days and hours seem to be too full as it is. How will I survive? How much will I have to give up?

And time will tell...

I just wrote about past disagreements affecting our now and here is an example of future fears affecting the now as well. Isn't life wonderful?!?

Disagreements and the Now

The kids have many a disagreement everyday. Some are bigger than others but it does seem that regardless of how 'big' the disagreement there will be many screams. Linsy is a screamer. And oh how she screams – she is loud, she is shrill, and she is persistent. If there is something she wants there is little that she lets stand in her way. Including her brother or parents. If he has something she wants she will take it or scream until the windows rattle and her brother gives said item to her. Or her parents plead with her brother to give her said item or 'work something out'.

Paco has his share of temper tantrums around their disagreements as well.

One thing with their disagreements though is that they likely won't last too long. In a short period of time they have sorted things out and are happily onto the next event or activity. And for Thomas and I the hard part is keeping up with them. I am still reeling from the screaming and tears and disagreement but they are happily into something else. They are in the now and they are moving fast. I am caught up in what has happened and ruminating over it all but they are not.

The power of now is so great – it is all that really exists for us and yet I see how, as adults, we are much slower moving that we used to be. Our past is much greater and more complex than that of a child. And yet there has to be a way to participate in life with the speed of a child. To move onto the next event without allowing two minute old disagreements (or two year or twenty year ones) keep us back.

So I'm here now but I am writing about the past. I am learning from the past. Humph... And right now there are no disagreements. There is only the freedom of now.