Fun times with the kids

The kids are at a nice stage right now. Many times I enjoy just hanging out with them, watching them create whatever story it is and them just being themselves.

PM loves sticks and rocks. He is always picking up some stick or other. They are often used as street cleaners, or graders, or snow plows. Ya know – construction/utility type trucks. Or dipping sticks in puddles and then splashing muddy water all over the place. The other day PM had one of his usual sticks – about 3 times as tall as him with many small branches on it. Running this way and that and playing with the puddles. LB says she needs one too. Reaches out to the nearest tree and easily breaks off one of the lower branches. This stick is shorter than her and more like a twig and seems quite comical compared to PM and his super sized sticks. Here she is trying to be like him and really what she chooses doesn’t compare and yet it does and suits her perfectly.

They both seem to want to be like the other. LB adores PM and wants to play like and with him. He wants to do whatever she is doing and if she starts playing with something on her own initiative (which is quite often) then he needs to have it ‘NOW’ and often a struggle will ensue.

Yet today they were playing great together outside. PM gets the hoe and starts cleaning something up with it. LB gets hers and they work together. Then he puts the hoes away, gets them shovels and they work on something else. Then those get put away and they get their steel rods for digging with or clanging to the ground.

LB is at the age (2) where she is very expressive. Both in very cute and lovable ways and then also very exasperating as she reacts with great emotion to whatever issues both great and small. Her vocabulary continues to grow and she repeats most things. She is more adept at handling tools and playing with PM’s trucks but she likes to carry a purse around and some doll or stuffed animal. Today she was running back and forth giving her bunny some booby. (Is this an indication of how she feels I am with her she is at the breast?). PM’s main use for a purse has been to count out his money to buy a forklift or a snow plow (chairs lying down on the ground are vehicles and they step in between the legs and maneuver the chairs around with items on top). And LB gets more into the idea of carrying it around with some beads around her neck and some character in her arms. Boys and girls and some intrinsic differences I guess.

After a day with warmer temperatures, fun with the kids (lots of rock collecting today) I feel more inspired. Then of course LB spends much time whining and crying ‘NO, mommy! No, mommy!’ – repeat again and again. I feel exasperated and try to remember the smiles as we hang out together outside and those loving feelings. Up and down (an expression she likes to chant sometimes). Our emotions and life follow that pattern. Always different but seems good feelings are followed eventually by challenging ones and then good feelings follow close behind again. Back and forth…

Supporting local farms

Recently heard from someone that an organic farmer she visits was telling her that the larger grocery stores won’t take his produce – he doesn’t produce enough to supply the whole region so they will buy from someone that can. Ugh! Thus it is the large guys that have the control again.

I have written before about my opinion of health food stores vs. grocery stores. For whatever reason I am back on my soapbox again. The above person and I were exchanging emails and she is thrilled that she is supporting a local farmer and getting some products for cheaper than she would in the store – freshness, contact with the person involved in getting the product to you, supporting small farms, visits with animals involved in bringing you the food (be it dairy, eggs or meat and heck even fertilization of produce) and of course saving money.

How can it be changed to be more supportive to smaller farms? Well realistically we can only do our part. I like to buy directly from the farmer whenever possible. If not (and yes I have a preference for fresh greens in the winter time so my food travels many miles to get to me) I buy organic and from a smaller farm that buys produce in bulk or from the health food store.

I understand that prices from farmers or health food stores can be higher than the grocery store. I feel that paying the price now will perhaps benefit us more in the future. I feel that in many ways the larger corporations are already controlling so much of what is available to us and if possible would like to help out the smaller ones. They are those that care more for the customer, for their land and for the product they sell. They are the ones that I develop relationships with and we share our respect for the earth and for each other.

Country vs. City living and social outcomes

I have lived in the city for most of my life. I even felt ok living in Toronto for many years but then I felt the desire to get out more. With kids the desire to move was even stronger. Not wanting the children to be raised in the city.

But living in the city definitely has its advantages. Today we drove the hour to the city to participate in a homeschool organized trip. A play. There were many children there and there were a lot of friends that seemed to get together on a more regular basis. In general there are more activities. One may be less likely to need to drive to visit with others.

Our situation is great in that we live out of the city on a property with a lot of land. There are woods, open fields, running water, still water, cedar houses, hills and flat land. At the same time if we want to get together with a friend the drive is longer (though it may not take longer to get there as there is less traffic and less street lights). You think twice about going for a half hour drive to go hang out with someone. Community or tribe isn’t as convenient. Then again I’m sure one could argue that in a city like Toronto it can easily take 20 – 30 minutes to get anywhere.

I suppose it is a matter of getting out on a regular basis. Then again I can get comfortable with a quiet life where we just hang out here and don’t get together much with others. Are my kids missing out on social events? It is sad to see PM taking after me in the social department. He will watch others intently but is not able to join in. His way of attempting to be noticed is to make aggressive noises. If he feels left out he may become more aggressive or distant. All my own issues come to the forefront if I see friends of his connecting well and playing together while he is left out. Something I know well and have experienced many times.

I watch the kids from the groups and how they socialize together. You can see the ones that are more popular and are the ones that can just hang out and connect with others. Then there are those that hold back from any kind of contact. I guess I really hoped that my children wouldn’t suffer as much in the social area as I have and do but I have not set them the best example and haven’t completed enough healing in that area for it to be a non-issue.

So we don’t live in the city (yay!!) and I can use that as an excuse for not having deeper connections with people or for not having more tribe or community. Realistically it is just an excuse. What it boils down to is me – the efforts I am willing to make and to what extent I am willing to put myself out.

Canning food

Whenever I break the seal of a jar of something I canned I feel a thrill that this is something I put my time and effort into and that I did it.

Last summer was my first time experimenting with canning and for the most part it was a great success (except for the pumpkin). The tree on the property was overflowing with apples and I made a lot of applesauce. A lot! Still have jars of it in the basement but that is ok because it keeps, it is a popular item, and friends like it as well. I also made apple butter – the whole fruit, no sugar added and this is good in our fudge and baking.

I am getting low on the tomato sauce that I canned and feel a sadness that it is almost gone. I have appreciated having it to cook with. I noticed the sweetness it added to the mixed veggies this evening. Though I have store bought pasta sauce as well, and it is one I like quite a bit, it doesn’t seem to compare to the stuff I made.

Seems there will be a lag time between using up last year’s canning supplies and this year’s fresh produce. I am so looking forward to having fresh lettuce and foods out of the garden. It is exciting to think that Thomas has already started planting produce that will be dug into the garden in a couple of months or less. I find summer a wonderful time as I enjoy the heat and get excited with all the fresh, alive food that is available from our garden and from local farms. Another season is approaching with more experimentation with canning and drying and freezing and of course best of all is the food fresh from the fields to the table! Come on summer!

Chopper's back!

PM’s ‘guys’ are pretty important to him. He has various ones – mostly Lego guys and a couple from a truck he got a few years ago. When they come into the house they get names – partially so that he can talk to me about them and to assist in finding them – he can tell me that he can’t find ‘so-and-so’ and I know who/what I’m looking for.

The day after PM’s birthday party he noticed that Chopper (a Playmobile construction worker) was missing – his hat was here but he wasn’t. We/I looked high and low. Any spot I thought of that he may have been hiding was scoured. It felt like it was constantly there in me and I was often looking for him throughout the day whether I was in the kitchen, in the bedroom, or any other room. I am like that – if I can’t find something it will be front and center until I find it (however I just noticed an exception about this today – more on that in a minute).

The loss of Chopper was even more pronounced because I had bought him a new construction worker (now named ‘Doe-doe’) for his birthday with signs and gates and more tools and the two guys would work well together. So we’ve started saying that Chopper is on holiday and will come back soon.

This afternoon (almost a week after the party) PM was opening up the play piggy bank and there inside were Bernie (another Playmobile character) and Chopper. He was laughing and excited. Chopper was back from holidays.

I realize how that happened. At the party there was a little girl (close to 1.5 yrs) that was playing with putting things in and out of the piggy bank. I just kind of noticed her playing with it but didn’t pay any attention. I guess she realized they fit quite nicely in there.

It reminds me of PM’s ‘Spat’ from a few years ago. A spatula he had everywhere he crawled. Spat was with him most of the time. One day Spat disappeared and was gone for weeks until one day I found the spatula in a drawer that I guess PM had put it in. I still wonder what happened to particular spoon that went missing around the same time. That age – around 1.5, is one where they like to put things here and there and experiment with fitting things together and objects can mysteriously disappear.

'Twas good for a laugh.

Now I said that I am aware of a missing object and constantly looking for it. Well for almost a week we have been looking for the yellow scissors as well. I have looked high and low – in drawers and wherever I could think of. Today as I was getting a spatula out of the utensil drawer (ya know one that I go in many times a day), LB started getting very excited and wanting to get in the drawer. Open it up and sure enough the scissors are there! In the drawer right next to the one they belong in and likely I have ‘seen’ them (without seeing them) daily for almost a week. So I may feel like I am constantly looking but that doesn’t mean I am seeing.

I have been noticing examples of this lately where I can see something daily but not really know anything about it. The kids each have bowls that are different. I always noticed the inside of the bowl and the different designs but haven’t seen that the rim was different on them as well (and once I see the difference it is quite distinct). PM also has the tendency not to see that which he is looking right at and while it may be frustrating for me to observe in him I guess I just have to look at myself to see where this comes from.

Health foods - not!

Ha, ha! After I wrote about our ‘wonderful’ diet and how great we are eating I was laughing to think of what the kids had just eaten for lunch. Hot dogs and potato chips. Ah the perfect health foods. I guess I did say we aren’t perfect. The kids sure did enjoy the potato chips (yes, they may be a marginally healthier kind that your regular run of the mill ones) and it is something they haven’t had in a long time. As for hot dogs LB gets ones that are nitrite-free and organic and PM eats ones that are elk meat and so they do have some more undesirable ingredients but on occasion I figure it won’t kill him. Sometimes convenience foods are nice to have around as long as they aren’t relied on too much.

Daddy-oes and food stuff

A relatively common sight around here these days is LB sitting on the floor inspecting her toes saying ‘I daddy-oes, I daddy-oes urt’. She has what looks like a blister between her big toe and the second toe. I think it is PM that coined the big toe as the daddy toe.

I can’t get too close to her toe, and any offer to put anything on it is met with a negative. One time I did offer a band aid (she’s more intrigued with them after I was wearing one on my thumb for many days) and she accepted. It only lasted a few minutes on her foot before she peeled it off. So we just listen to her talk of ‘daddy-oes’ and trust that it is healing well.

I was laughing this morning as the kids were fighting over the last green muffin. Here we have green muffins or black muffins. And no they aren’t green because of mold. How would that sound to an outsider? Both of these different muffins are free of grain flour and are relatively unsweetened.

We ration out fish oils while many others struggle to get any into their children. I try to limit the intake of sea vegetables after they come back for seconds and thirds and fourths. LB will be at the fridge wanting some more cod liver oil. Each will try to outdo the other to eat up all the vegetables (occasionally).

Now this isn’t to say we have the perfect diet and our kids never eat sweets or anything unhealthy but I suppose we do pretty good for the most part. I’m sure that someday PM will learn that most people don’t consider soda to be ‘poison’ but for now if he sees a bottle or can of pop he will announce with glee that it is poison. I feel concern for my children’s relationship with sugar as I know I am a sugar addict. What I do though is model as best I can and avoid all sweeteners myself, allow them occasional sweetened treats and otherwise have naturally sweetened treats available.

I can trust that someday I will be free of all issues surrounding food but for now I pray that I don’t damage my children too badly and that we maintain some semblance of mental, emotional and physical health. All are important and I know that a focus strictly on the physical is quite empty and unfulfilling. Life really is a learning journey where the lessons are constant as long as we are willing and open.

PM turns 5

We survived PM’s party. I even survived the preparation for it. I think it went quite well all things considered. Crazy and chaotic but PM had fun for this party. He had said that he didn’t like LB’s birthday party – the best part had been the cake. I was glad he liked the cake because he doesn’t always like things I make (I suppose it depends on how sweet it is and her cake wasn’t that sweet).

Onto PM’s birthday – well maybe we’ll stay on the topic of cakes for a while. He started talking about what kind of cake he was going to have for his birthday shortly after his sister’s (2 months apart). It took a while for the decision to be made. He wanted banana and raspberry with strawberry icing (at first it was going to be pineapple as well but then we decided to put that on the pizza instead) with no flour. My way of doing this is to check out a few recipes for ideas and then make my own creation, as long as it was dairy- and gluten-free. Scary to think how we can become like our parents. Ya never knew what to expect at my house when I was growing up and my mom’s baked goods often didn’t go over too well. Whole grains, low sweetness – not appealing to young kids with white bread, sugar diets. We didn’t have white bread but I know I wanted it back then.

Unfortunately getting the house spic and span before the party wasn’t in the time allowed (I suppose I could have given up all time to myself and sleep and completed a complete house cleaning but I won’t do that). One of these days I shall be organized and have a neat and tidy and clean house. Well neat and tidy as you can expect with two little ones underfoot.

Seven other kids showed up and they ran around and played all sorts. Last year I decided on ‘Pin the nose on the happy face’ as I figured I would be able to draw a circle for a happy face (though in the end Thomas ended up drawing the face). This year I figured we could be more creative since there is an artist in the house. ‘Pin the bucket on the backhoe’. I was most impressed by Thomas’ backhoe. He used one of PM’s trucks as a sample and made a pretty darn nice looking backhoe/front loader. He even drew and cut out buckets. Unfortunately not too many were into playing the game the way it is ‘supposed’ to be played. PM wouldn’t let me cover his face – he just took the bucket and stuck it on the way it is meant to go. Another little guy had the same idea. I think I scared away another girl by trying to cover PM’s eyes. Another girl liked the element of the surprise and just closed her eyes rather than having them covered. Well there are a few misplaced buckets on the backhoe.

The pizza seemed kinda so-so. Not sure the crust was the best but I didn’t throw any out so it couldn’t have been that bad. I definitely didn’t throw out any cake either. Last year I threw out a lot more and that time I followed a recipe!

I made another cake for PM’s actual birthday which was two days after the party (confusing for the little guy to change the day of his birthday like that) and that was enjoyed as well. This one was a maple cashew cake – again with no grain flour. And I like having the opportunity to experiment with baking.

My foot still hurts (so does my thumb) but it gets better every day. There are still certain ways it really hurts to move my foot and it is very sensitive to touch. I figure there is no way I would have been able to have PM’s party the way it was if my foot was any worse. Lucky we are.

I’d say the kids are also pretty lucky to have so many great people in their life. That goes for me as well. Unfortunately at the party I didn’t really get the chance to sit and hang out and listen to the conversation. I did like what snippets I heard. A group of moms talking about childbirth where unassisted isn’t a weird freaky thing and homebirth is accepted as the norm. Breastfeeding is a given and extended bf is totally ok. Homeschooling or unschooling (life learning) is just another part of parenting. Pretty cool I think.

Medicine has its place. Or does it?

Many people believe that doctors and the medical system are good to fall back on in the case of broken bones and other fixit type problems. I struggle with this still.

Last week when I sprained my ankle there was the question as to whether it was broken. The way the pain was so specific in certain areas and the reaction I had when it happened made me wonder. At the same time I felt that if it was broken it would heal just fine on its own. Then I start to wonder. T also feels great concern and says that if it’s broken I need to be taking better care of it and not using it.

So I break down and go to the hospital. Bad timing. It is busy and they are backed up. After waiting for over two hours I finally get in. Doctor sees me for 1 minute and sends me for x-rays. The technician takes me along and x-rays my foot in many angles. I am freaking out with concern for the radiation my poor body is enduring. Here all I have is this small apron to protect me and it doesn’t even go halfway up my body.

X-rays are done and I am put back in the room where I wait for over an hour. In that time I am freaking out. I want out of this place. I feel anxiety at being there, concern for T and the kids (LB didn’t understand what was going on and wasn’t used to me being gone for this long). I am in tears and the longer I wait the more intense the anxiety gets. Finally the doctor shows up, tells me I am in luck and it is a sprain and tells me what kind of drugs I can take. Less than a minute later I am going to the phone as quick as possible for T to come pick me up.

The next day of course my foot felt a bit better (as it had each day) and I was full of regrets for my time in the hospital. Terrorized. What a waste of time. I was blasted with radiation for no reason. I should have waited for longer before going to the hospital.

Then after many regrets I realize that it has offered me some peace of mind. I am not seriously harming bones by using my foot. These pains which can be more severe at times are part of the sprain. I would be questioning if all was ok. Each time I touch down the wrong way or feel pain radiating through my foot I would wonder. I have an answer and it offers that peace of mind (along with the anxiety and total unrest for the procedure to get here).

Years back I had hurt my leg. I didn’t do anything in particular for healing but it was taking a long time. Weeks after it happened I finally broke down and went to get it looked at. Of course everything was fine and the day after it was looked at the pain finally started to subside.

A friend was recently dealing with some postpartum issues that seemed to drag on and on. She was concerned as some things had happened after the baby came out and she wondered if this was the reason for the problems. Finally she breaks down and sees the doctor and has an ultrasound. The following day the pain eased up and the problems went away.

So we get that peace of mind and it helps with the healing. How far are we though from truly listening to our intuition and beliefs that all is well? The second guessing. Others opinions. The possibilities and potential problems. It was easy for me to look back and say I never should have gone to the hospital in the first place. Hindsight is 20/20. Before I went I had questions but would they have been less if I hadn’t been influenced by others? Would the concerns have continued on over time until I finally broke down and had myself checked out? Who knows?

I decided that I don’t want to have to be in this kind of situation again. If I were I would not want to go to that environment for answers. I can look at that and see anger talking. Or is it the part of me that just wants to trust myself and my own inner answers?

Then a week later I am distracted by a fight brewing between the kids and chomp the knife down on my thumb. Ouch. Luckily I know that all my thumb needs is time and I may lose that part of skin or it may stay intact. Signs of imbalance in the system. Slow down and chill out Shera!